My Life and Other Massive Mistakes by Tristan Bancks

Author:Tristan Bancks
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Australia
Published: 2015-08-24T04:00:00+00:00

She screams. Pop looks over his shoulder and starts hobbling up the hall again, double-time. Three nurses emerge from rooms at either side of the hallway: two men and a lady. Pop’s outnumbered. They close in on him. I feel so sad. But then I remember my job. I jam my fingers into my mouth and give the loudest whistle I have ever given. This is definitely an emergency.

Eleven Kings Bay Nursing Home inmates – men and women aged 75 to 104 – spring from their rooms and fall into a V formation, surging up the corridor. It’s a ready-made army. Reg Hopper, who used to own the toy shop, is up front in a motorised cart. He wears a pacemaker on his chest to keep his heart thumping. Behind him, five foot soldiers walk with canes, three are in wheelchairs, two are pushing oxygen tanks on stands.

They stagger and creak and wheeze their way up the hall, united by one thing: yellow undies. They are all wearing yellow underpants just like Pop usually does. The ladies have their nighties tucked into them. The men wear the undies and nothing else. It’s hideous. It’s horrendous. I want to scratch my own eyes out. But it’s strangely heartwarming and inspiring, too. They look ferocious, determined.

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